so there i was... i was just waking up. i had slept in pretty late (since i didn't have to get up for work at the crack of dawn for the first time in i don't know how long)... and so i was i a pretty good mood.

until i walked down the stairs.

in the hallway where the stairs are, there is a small bay window. in the window, there hapen to be a bird. "hmm... thats odd." i thought. i figured that the bird would fly away when i got closer. but it didn't. so... naturally, i did what any curious human being would do. i tapped on the window.

the bird did not move.

so, i tapped harder....

nothing.

the poor (not to mention incredibly stupid) bird had froze to death while sitting pirched on the window sill, looking in at the nice warm house. i could almost imagine it thinking (right before it froze) 'wow... that room looks warm. i wish i could fly inside and sit in the not cold-ness of inside...) and then, it froze.

kind of a sad thought, huh?

well, there was only one thing left to do... take a picture! :)

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how many times do we, as believers, know unsaved people, and we know that they are on the outside looking in, and yet we don't say anything. we leave them "out in the cold" so to speak...

moral of the story is:

don't leave your friends out in the cold. bring them in!! let them know the secret to life! share the joy you have hopefully found in being a child of the Most High God!!

... or else they might fall over dead in the fozen wasteland of life... like the stupid bird outside my window..(which, by the way, now that the snow has melted, is STILL on the window ledge, but had falled over, and is now even more pathetic than it wa

Faith

So there i was... sitting at Pizza hut with my mom. we try to get together and hang out at least once a week, since i moved in with my dad las year...

anyway... there we were. we started talking about my father.She was very upset. usually i try to avoid this topic, because, as you would imagine, it makes me feel kinda akward. But i sensed a cry in her voice. she needed to talk about him tonight, and for whatever reason, God decided i was going to be the one she talked to.

before i knew what was going on, i found myself discussing the painful details of my parents' divorce with my mom. i was giving her advice on how to let go of her past. i told her that by God's grace we live day by day. and when the days seem so long, we live hour by hour... moment by moment... prayer by prayer. But our God is a good and faithful God, and He listens tou our prayers.

And that is faith: not only believing God CAN... but KNOWING God WILL.

In the midst of counselling my mother (which, by the way, was all God, and nothing of me, because i was completely and utterly TERRIFIED...) i realized something.

It hit me so hard, i stopped talking, and i almost forgot what i was saying. what did i realize??
I HAD FINALLY MOVED ON.

i realized for the first time in a LONG time i wasn't living in the shadows of my past. i can't say exactly when i let go of my bitterness, or when i stopped crying myself to sleep every night. I don't remember when i woke up and WASN'T living in fear... but at that moment, when i looked back, i saw God's hand... His almighty, powerfully amazing hand in my life these past months.

I tried to let my mom know how much i love her, and that even though divorce is NEVER a part of God's plan, the truth is that He allowed this to happen. I tried to help her not forget her past... but rather learn how that pain is making her into a better, stronger person.

at that same time, i realized that i couldn't make her better. and that is the worst pain of all: seeing someone you love and care about in pain, self-inflicted misery, and knowing you are powerless to do anything. but i know a great and mighty God who can do all things. so i lift her to Him. only He can carry her through her memories of an abusive husband. only he can bring beauty from pain.

He will erase hateful words. He will blot out scars of anger... God will take away the pain i wish i could. He will love my mom in ways i wish i would. and He will be with her always.

Relient K!! Toby Mac!! and... my car??

"Oh what a lousy excuse for a car! One mile to go, but i can't push it that far!

I think i've had enough... i think i'm... I'M GIVING UP!!

I saved up my money to buy a new guitar. but i got ripped off by a guy who fixed my car. i think i've had enough... i think i'm... I'M GIVING UP!!

once again life's thrown me a curve... and it blew up right in my face! once again life's right on my nerves... Can't you see that i'm stuck in this place?? all because you're giving me a BREAKDOWN!!

........... stuck on the side of the road, emotion overload!!"



i was singing this song to my car this morning as i was attempting to get it to start in this arctic Iowa weather. Eventually my car did start, and a puff of snow shot at my face thanks to my dysfunctional heating vents. this snow continued in a stady stream throughout the remainder of my 15 minute drive to school. apparently my beastie car did not apprecheiate the song...



so there i was... driving along, (very bitter, and VERY cold) and the CD changed to Toby Mac.



"Whatever happened to a passion I could live for What became of the flame that made me feel more And when did I forget that...I was made to love you I was made to find youI was made just for you Made to adore youI was made to love And be loved by youYou were here before me You were waiting on me And you said you'd keep me Never would you leave me I was made to love and be loved by you"

and suddenly, my mood changed. how can i be bitter and grumpy when i think of how the creator of the universe loves me, and He knows me, and Hes never gonna leave me, and He promises to keep me and never let me go?!?!?!

:D
love and be loved...
--Jess--

The Mountian Top

Most of us wouldn't mind being gold, but we don't want to go thorugh the refiner's fire. And being clay in the potter's hands isn't too appealing either. We would all opt to be great... but we don't want to do the work it takes to become great.So we set up camp on the bottom of the trail that leads to the mountian top, because we don't want to go through the pain and suffering it takes to climb up the mountian.

But without slipping, and stumbling, and getting back up, and falling back down, and running, and FINALLY reaching the top -- we'd never fully grasp the joy of it all.No one ever goes willingly into the potter's hands... He has to break us, and mold us, and make us into His new creation... His perfect creation. And it hurts... and sometimes it feels like we might drown in the sea of tears, we might get lost in all of our doubts and fears... BUT DEEPER THAN OUR TEARS IS THE UNFAILING LOVE OF CHRIST. It finds us when we are too lost to find ourselves. His love holds on to us, when we are too weak to cling to it.And you know what?? God really does work all things for the good of those who love Him.

I promise... but more importantly, GOD promises. and His promises are ALWAYS kept.And looking down at the trail that lead me to the top of this mountian... well, it almost makes me feel like I could fly right off... into the arms of my Creator... :DLife's a bumpy road, and God never said it would be easy... He only PROMISED He'd be right there with us, and it would be worth it in the end.

--Jess--