10 days left

"This is an exciting time! You're starting a new chapter in your life..."

BLAH BLAH BLAH. i've heard that line about 6,789 times in the past 4ish months. But i still can't seem to agree with it. A new book, maybe. a new world of challenges, possibly. but simply a new chapter? i think not.

where has my summer gone? i have 10 days left before i move to a different state, and leave pretty much all i know behind. i guess i thought it would feel different than this. i thought i would, i don't know, "mature" or something over the summer. i would somehow FEEL more prepared to go away. i would have some "epiphany" as to what direction God would have me go and what i was suppose to do.

but surprize, surprize, I'M NOT READY TO LEAVE!!!! infact, instead of "growing up" i seem to have reverted to clinging to my childhood more. not so much in an immature, "i want to stay home and watch cartoons and eat cereal all day" kind of way... i mean, i did move out and was living with a friend in her apartment for most of the summer. and i have been working 40 hours a week in the kitchen at hy-vee. to most people, on the outside at least, that would seem mature and very adult-like. but i know myself too well.

i know that as the days on the calender are screaming that im closer and closer to moving away to college, the more i want to ignore it, and run the other direction. i want to avoid it all together, which is very childish of me.

i guess im still holding on to this hope that i will be ready when the day comes to pack and move and drive to missouri... but im slowly getting used to the idea that i will leave wither im ready or not, and my thoughts and feelings will soon follow. and i know that God will use this time of uncertianty to glorify his name. and in the end thats all i can ask for...... right?